City Limits

Bond's Moneypenny, Lois Maxwell, Dies - ENTERTAINMENT - Comcast.net

The Canadian-born actress starred alongside Sean Connery in the first James Bond movie, "Dr. No," in 1962 as the secretary to M, the head of the secret service.

She died Saturday night at Fremantle Hospital near her home in Perth, Australia, the BBC cited a hospital official as saying.

Lois Maxwell's Moneypenny character is one of the people that made the James Bond movies the classics they have became. She will be missed.

She Don't Use Jelly


Banditos


Seether


How Bizarre

Okla. attorney leaps from hospital ledge
One lawyer... oh well, at least it's a start

Sixty-beer binge leads to four-week hangover
And the worst case of the shits in recorded history

Handcuffed Mexican kids steal U.S. border agent car
So THAT'S why they put those tiny steering wheels on their cars

Store Clerk Claims Robbers Hypnotized Him
And he's quit smoking, too

Air rage smoker jailed for attack
You are now free to roam the cell block

Boy, 16, taking shortcut to school, killed by train
Obviously not a Physics major

Drugs and guns found inside L.A. Daycare
Must've been a rap school

'Fart Spray' Attack at Local Restaurant
Ironically, the food also tasted like shit

Sep 23 1939

Sigmund Freud commits suicide with the help of his personal physician, Max Schur. The good doctor obligingly administered 21mg of morphine -- a lethal dose.

Y'suppose Schur was related to Kevorkian?

Sep 23 1950

Congress passes the McCarran Act, also known as The Internal Security Act of 1950, overriding Harry Truman's veto. The act provides for severe restrictions on civil liberties, suspension of free speech, and placing of undesirable Americans in concentration camps. The act has never been repealed.

In fact, it's even been enhanced - the McPatriot Act

Sep 23 1952

Responding to accusations that he diverted $18,000 in contributions into his pocket, Senator Richard M. Nixon rescues his candidacy for Vice President by insisting that he had never accepted any money. Although Nixon does admit he accepted a cocker spaniel named Checkers for his daughter Tricia. The televised monologue rescues his political career.

... and 20 years later...

Sep 23 1969

An article in the Northern Illinois University student newspaper The Northern Star propagates the rumor that "Paul is dead." But if you play "I'm so Tired" from the White Album, you hear the question "Is Paul McCartney Dead?" And "Revolution #9" implores, "Turn me on dead man." Well, sort of.

Quick! Someone call Robert!

19th Century stereoscopic image of
Syphilitic infection

The two images were merged into a single animated GIF
with some dubious results.

Vacuum and toilet cleaner sex aid burglar avoids jail
I don't even WANT to know how this combination works...

Kidnapper Demands Meth In Exchange For 5-Year-Old
Sounds like a fair trade...

Antioch burglars break into police training session
File this one under "What Were YOU Thinking?"

Man admits urinating on ill woman
When ya gotta go...

Seven die in rural septic tank rescue
"Oh, my GOD - the first six people aren't coming back up! I gotta do something!

Woman says suspect in killing beat her
"Spiderman, Spiderman/ Does whatever the f*ck he wants"

Sep 20 1970

A jury in Miami, Florida finds vocalist Jim Morrison guilty of profanity and indecent exposure for whipping out his cock at a Doors concert in Coconut Grove the previous year.

Sep 20 1973

A Beechcraft D-18 charter plane crashes into a tree near Natchitoches, Louisiana, killing singer/songwriter Jim Croce, his lead guitarist, and the entire flight crew.

Looking for a job? I am! So if you know anyone who could use a hard-working, industrious individual... sorry, got carried away.

Anyway, if you are scanning the want ads, you might be wondering what they're really looking for, so maybe this will help you in your search.

Join our fast-paced company
We have no time to train you

Must be deadline-oriented
You'll be six months behind on your first day

Duties will vary
Anyone in the office can boss you around

Problem solving skills a must
You're walking into perpetual chaos

Must have an eye for detail
We have no quality control

Some overtime required
Some time every night and weekend

Word processing skills essential
There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future

Salary range $24k - $32k / Yr
The salary is $24,000

Civil service
This job was filled from the inside six months ago

Must have top notch communications skills
Welcome to the world of telemarketing

Outstanding benefits package
We have health insurance and a 401k with no matching funds

Progressive company
Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday

We are seeking dedicated people
You'll be working a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement

Tons of variety
We've taken every heinous task no one else will touch and rolled them into this position

Good luck, and happy hunting!

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (CNN) -- Hall of Fame running back and one-time murder defendant O.J. Simpson will be held without bail after his arrest in connection with an alleged sports-memorabilia heist, Las Vegas police said Sunday.

Simpson, 60, will have his first scheduled court appearance Thursday, Las Vegas Metropolitan Police said after the former football star's arrest on robbery, assault, burglary and conspiracy charges.

No explanation accompanied the decision, which was announced in a police statement Sunday night.

Simpson was booked Sunday evening on two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon, two counts of assault with a deadly weapon and one count each of armed burglary and conspiracy to commit burglary, Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Capt. James Dillon told reporters.

All the charges carry possible prison terms, with a range of two to 30 years on the robbery counts and one to six on the rest.

Simpson was seen shortly before his arrest leaving a Las Vegas resturant, whistling "If I Only Had A Brain" (no, I did NOT make that up).

I get the feeling Dionne Warwick's "That's What Friends are For" should be playing in the background.

I'm pretty sure I'd need to change my shorts after this:

Watch the background carefully. . .



Thanks, Vic! ;)

Baby yanked from couple for kisses on belly button

The ordeal is finally over, but for the past year, a North Carolina family has been torn apart after state officials claimed family photos of a father kissing his baby's belly button were some kind of child abuse.

It began when Teresa Hamaty took impromptu party snapshots of her husband, Charbel, playfully embracing their naked, newborn son, Kristoff.


After dropping the film off at an Eckerd store in North Raleigh, authorities were notified.

"You see the back of the baby, and like if someone is kissing the baby's belly button," Teresa told WRAL-TV.

But police saw the worst and arrested Teresa for taking sexually explicit photos, charged her husband with felony sexual assault, and put Kristoff and his half-sister in protective custody.

"I think this was one of those times that they got the wrong people," Teresa said. "They were too quick to judge when they took one look at my husband."

SEPT 9, 1971

1,300 inmates riot inside the Attica Correctional Facility in western New York state, commandeering the prison and taking 40 guards hostage. The national guard stages an assault five days later, killing 42 people in the process (10 of them being captives).

Say it with me, guys...

ATTICAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!